Beaudesert Web Marketing.com
Terms Of Use
Wow!
You actually came to this page.
Our lawyers made us include it and made us use a precious button on our
home page to get you here.
It is a sad fact that due to the state of the World today and the 'lack
mentality' of so many people, we had to include this set of site
guidelines and rules...we didn't want to, but it was unavoidable.
The reason for it is that Chloe watched me go through a bad 'net
experience last year, so she insisted that I put this page here or I
wasn't allowed to build the website...
At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the
page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff.
We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable
English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could
prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty
people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it
for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and
cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can
even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal
use.
If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices
all over the stuff.
They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything
else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and
video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written
permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with]
the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that
applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA.
You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that,
because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang
out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is
copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how
we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our
written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give
you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are
likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising
you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun
and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at
your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no
liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site
are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular,
the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct,
incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of
your access to, or use of, the site.
Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you
'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED,
INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check
your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the
mouthpieces.
We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way
to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line --
we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you
or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that
doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call us.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on the
site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything you
disclose to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything we
want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit
it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send
it to your mother (as soon as we find her address).
Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or
techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing,
manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the information
you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property
or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter
what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends
can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on
the site.
And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the
stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site
that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So don't
think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't
and we're not about to give you one.
If you don't leave them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and
service marks on our site, we'll probably go ballistic, so will the
companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That
means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after
you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of others. While
that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less
checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if
some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your
pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally
listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups
or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no
liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes,
defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography,
or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site.
And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening,
libellous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic,
nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement
types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil
lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we
certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate
with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who might
have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of
patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the
software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya,
North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has
embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury
Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce
Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet
Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough
enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places,
you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site
any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers
who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck
with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue”
(a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of
according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of Queensland,
Australia, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate Beaudesert Web Marketing.com
and/or its affiliates' intellectual property rights, Beaudesert Web Marketing.com
and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in
any state or federal court in the State of Queensland, Australia, and you
consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve
it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following
location: Brisbane, Queensland. Any costs and fees other than attorney
fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution
through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration
at the following location: Brisbane, Queensland, under the rules of the
Australian Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by
the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen
what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that
human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in Australia and the United
States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
Beaudesert Web Marketing.com
